Debbie's Weblog

Saturday, May 03, 2003

After another very long pause, I'm back again. It has been 4 months since Dad died. I can't begin to tell you how I have got through, indeed these waves of grief keep overwhelming me. The past two days have been spent in bed. No energy, enthusiasm, motivation or whatever else it take you to get up in the morning. I am glad that I have decided to write again. I have always been inspired to write a book one day, my thoughts at the moment are to write something about Dad's life, something to remember him and to give him a special place in my family history. I have lost him 3 times now, once through divorce, then meningitis which left him a different man, and now through death. I think I have been finding the grief hard to bear because I really lost him 10 years ago, but couldn't grieve for him because he was still alive, so it's like a double whammy now. Maybe writing all my feelings and thoughts will help bring some kind of closure to all this turmoil going on inside me. I've lost my Daddy. I always was a Daddies girl, possibly because I am so like him, and I could understand where he was coming from emotionally. I can't believe I won't see his face again. One minute I'm getting on with things then all of a suddenly Dad comes into my thoughts, and I'm crying again. I know it's normal, and I know it's going to take time.