Debbie's Weblog

Sunday, May 18, 2003

This bloody shitty computer, it's done it again so bugger it!

Saturday, May 10, 2003

Okay, it's Saturday, so what have I achieved this week?......................thinking...................................still thinking.........................................thinking some more...................................nup, I think I've lost the ability to recall. So try the short term memory, today what have I achieved? Not much really, except from painting my bedroom door. Yipee, the bedroom gets fitted in 2 days. 5 weeks of sleeping on a air bed coming slowly to an end and I can't wait. Still don't think I will be sleeping in it until next weekend but we'll see. It's a usual weekend on the whole. Kids causing havoc and making a mess of an already untidy house, washing needing done, as well as last nights dinner dishes and it's now dinner time 24hrs later, what a disorganised person I have become. I used to love tiding up and having everything in it's place, but after 14 years of it, I think I'm getting a bit lazy. I need to get some kind of order back into life, someone really needs to give me a kick up the arse. I'm not getting anything done sitting here. Clocking off, 10-10 till we meet again, roger over and out. Who's Roger? Maybe he will help me with the housework!

Friday, May 09, 2003

Close the door
Shut the world away
All the fights gone from this wounded heart
Across the floor dreams and shadows play
Like wind blown refugees

Call the man
who deals in love beyond repair
He can heal the world
Of hearts in need of care
Shine a light ahead
When the next step is unclear
Call the man he's needed here

I close my eyes
I remember when
Your sweet love filled this empty room
The tears I cry
Won't bring you back again
Unless a lonely star should fall

Call the man
Who deals in once upon a time
Maybe he
Can mend this broken heart of mine
Shine a light ahead
Now the furture isn't clear
Call the man he's needed here
Call the man he's needed here

From the album Falling into You by Celine Dion

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

Whatever happened to my babies. Today was a major milestone for us. Louise and Aimee walked to school on their own! I knew the day would come, and I have been dreading it. I layed down the rules and off they went. At their age I had been walking to school on my own for years, but things are different these days, more danger, and the fact that we live on a busy main road. Letting go is hard, but I need to accept that my girls are growing up and need independance from me. I would walk or drive them everywhere, but I know that they have to get street wise or else they will be going up to high school with me escorting them. I feel they are sensible, Aimee can still be a bit daft, but I told her she must obey Louise and hold her hand crossing. They got there safely as I meet them in the playground as I was taking Claire into nursery. Kids grow up too fast. I want to wrap them up in cotton wool, but I know I can't do that if I want them to grow into happy individual young ladies, though mothers instinct tells you to shelter and protect, It's very hard letting go.

Sunday, May 04, 2003

I hate it when that happens! I've just typed a post and when I went to publish my connection went caput. It was much too depressing anyway. So just a short note now. Boring day, rain , rain, rain. Still no bloody bedroom to sleep in, house trashed by rugrats who are bickering like nobody's business, nothing unusual in that. Why do siblings fight? I did it with Gary and didn't realise how much of a pain in the arse it was to mum and dad, sorry about that. So off to the supermarket now for a bit of a replenish. That's another thing my children do, empty the cupboards. No more moaning. Debbie, just get up and get on. Okay I will.

Saturday, May 03, 2003

After another very long pause, I'm back again. It has been 4 months since Dad died. I can't begin to tell you how I have got through, indeed these waves of grief keep overwhelming me. The past two days have been spent in bed. No energy, enthusiasm, motivation or whatever else it take you to get up in the morning. I am glad that I have decided to write again. I have always been inspired to write a book one day, my thoughts at the moment are to write something about Dad's life, something to remember him and to give him a special place in my family history. I have lost him 3 times now, once through divorce, then meningitis which left him a different man, and now through death. I think I have been finding the grief hard to bear because I really lost him 10 years ago, but couldn't grieve for him because he was still alive, so it's like a double whammy now. Maybe writing all my feelings and thoughts will help bring some kind of closure to all this turmoil going on inside me. I've lost my Daddy. I always was a Daddies girl, possibly because I am so like him, and I could understand where he was coming from emotionally. I can't believe I won't see his face again. One minute I'm getting on with things then all of a suddenly Dad comes into my thoughts, and I'm crying again. I know it's normal, and I know it's going to take time.

Saturday, December 21, 2002

I know there has been a long pause in my weblog. Things have been rough and no time to keep things up to date. September seems a long time ago, and with only 4 days till Santa comes, I for one am getting really excited, it's the big kid in me. Life has a way of grabbing you back onto your feet, and last Monday was the highlight of my year. The long awaited arrival of my niece. With Gary and Fiona living so far away, my mum and I flew down for a couple of days and little Cameron came just on time, she's a good girl.